Rethinking the concept of love utilizing the Kingdom of God lens.
If
there is something that humans cannot exist without it is companionship. God created
humans for a number of reasons part of them being fellowship. So when God
created Adam even though he was busy working God knew that he had a void for
companionship. God understanding his creature, created Eve to be Adam’s wife
(See Genesis 2: 1 - 25). Everybody is affected by relationships. This is to
say, if you want to put your life in order you must master the relationships.
We were created to relating with one another through the vehicle of love. It is
very sad to observe the fact that we do not understand love. In fact, the most
misunderstood concept on earth is love. One of the reasons we do not know love
is because we are relying on unauthorised sources to tell us what love is. This
list includes the books and newspapers we read, songs we listen to and the
movies and TV show we watch.
"The best way to learn anything is
to consult an expert. If we wish to improve our golf game, we go to a golf pro;
if we desire to play the piano, we study under a qualified teacher. Who is the
expert on love? No one understands love better than God. Not only did God
create love and establish it as a central foundation stone of human experience,
but according to the Bible, God Himself is love (see 1 Jn. 4:8,16). Love
defines God’s very nature" by Dr. Myles Munroe
Types of love:
I
love the definition of the Greeks when they describe love. They realise that it
is complicated and they describe it in four different terminologies. Namely:
Phileo, Storge, Eros and Agape.
·
Phileo: can simply be
defined as the love of friendship. We are social beings by nature. So when we
spend more time with people who share common interest with us naturally we
become friends. A negative attribute of
phileo love is that it is associated with the phrase ‘You stretch my back I
stretch your back’. Simply put, phileo love is love because. This is not love at its best.
·
Storge: the love of the
family or brotherly love. ‘Storge describes the tender affection of parents
toward their children and that of children toward their parents’ by Dr Myles
Munroe. This love has defects because it is based on an assumption that since
people are family they will love each other. Over and above the latter, this
love puts pressure on an individual because they love, not because they want to
because they have to. This is to say this love does not come naturally from an
individual but from a sense of obligation. Despite this love flaws love of
family is fundamental to the peace and stability of any society, because when
people do not get love from the family they go to people who exploit them in
the name of love.
·
Eros: Erotic, Sexual or Lustful love. First and
foremost, it is totally wrong to associate love with sex. Sex can occur without
love .This is the case because love can exist without sex: the two are not
dependent upon each other. Part of the reasons why we have a tainted image of
what love is, is because the enemy on a daily basis 24/7 365 days – bombards
our minds with eros through the media. 'Erotic love is emotional love, fuelled
by feelings, and therefore rises and falls as feelings do. True love, in
contrast, is constant, neither motivated nor controlled by emotions. In its
selfishness, eros has no egard for the feelings or desires of the other person,
being interested only in the personal gratification it can get from that
person' by Dr. Myles Munroe. It is unfortunate
that in most cases when people who do not have a relationship with God
say I love you they actually mean they want to relate with you with an erotic
kind of love.
·
Agape:
Devine love. This is the love that we do not understand. The latter is true
because the status quo has made us to relate in love expecting something in
return. Agape contrary to the manner in which we understand and interpret love
it is all about sacrificing. John 3:16 "For so God loved the world that He
gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish,
but have everlasting life" is proof that Agape is all about sacrificing.
In this verse God killed or sacrificed Himself as Christ for our restoration.
God was teaching us the fact that loves is not enough with words. It is proven
by actions. Everyone can tell you that they love you. What you must understand
is that words are cheap for love is proven when it is cruntch time. You cannot
divorce love and responsibility. Agape: Devine Love has no obligation,
expectations and condition like Phileo, Eros and Storge love. It is an
unconditional love. God is the source of Agape, if someone does not have a
relationship with God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit, he or
she might does fully comprehend Agape. Agape is a person – 1 John 4:16b ‘God is
love’. Everything that God does to us, he does it out of love. There is a
distinction between having love and being love. A number of people shed tears
in different relationship because the people they relate have love and are not
love. Such people should not be startled when the people they relate with fail
to put their words into action to prove that they really love them. As humans
beings we have limitations especially when we do not have a relationship with
God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. This is to say when we
related with people who know Jesus chances are high that they will give us
Agape because they are made in God's image. Since, God their Father is Love,
they will not struggle to express or prove Agape.
Three crucial attributes of true love:
Love
is not emotions. Feelings are chemical reactions that change after five
seconds. That is why the relationships that are based on feelings do not last
long. Feelings at times are associated with the way someone looks, behaves and
so on... So if you have a feeling that you love someone just because he is
handsome (she is stunning) you are in a dangerous position. You can testify of
the fact you will always see or meet someone who is more handsome (more
stunning) than that the person you claim you love.
·
Love is a choice: while you are still baffled
at my preceding point that dismissess the relationship between love and
feelings - allow me clarify my position. Many people's minds are troubled when
they read verses like Matthew 5: 44 "But I say love your enemies, bless
them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them... Mark
12: 31 "Love your neighbor as yourself... They are troubled because they
consider the practicalization of these verses as something that is impossible.
Loving our neighbors and enemies shouldn't be complicated because God created us;
He will never expect or demand something that we are not capable of implementing.
Jesus is saying you might not feel like loving your neighbour or enemy because
they have wronged you or whatever the reason. However, I Jesus say that you
must ignore your feelings and choose to love them. So, if you are not getting
along with someone that is a result of your choice.
·
Love is the response to
understanding the value of a thing: The Bible tells us that the Lamb was slain
to redeem us back to God (See John 3:16-17). Jesus' death to redeem us back to
God proves that God values us to the point that He killed himself for us to be
reconciled with Him. This means you are worth God. The basic of this point is
also reflected in the culture of the world's most respected people the AmaZulu.
The Zulu's and others clans only take you serious touching the affairs love
when you are willing to pay the dowry (Imali yamalobolo) for their daughter. In
passing one may say, if someone says he loves you and says nothing about
amalobolo… that is red flags that he after something… and more importantly, he
does not value you.
·
Love is a force
generated by a decision: If God responded the way He felt when we sinned
against Him we would have not been redeemed. God ignored His feelings and
refused to see Himself (We are made in His image) living below His potential.
In this regard, true love has nothing to do with feelings; on the contrary it
has all to do with a choice, valuing someone and a firm decision.
Love is a law:
John
13: 34-35 “A new commandment I give unto you, that ye love one another; even as
I have loved you, that ye also love one another. “By this all men will know
that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another”.
Romans
13: 8 “Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one
another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law”
.
As the Kingdom of God citizens, we owe people
love and when we do not love other people were actually proves to people that
we do not know God. Love is a law and since it is a law they are consequences
if we do not obey God's law, the love a law. When you get bills from the
municipality or a reminder from people owe, you do not feel like paying them
but you chose to pay based on your integrity to pay the bill. Your integrity
has nothing to with your feelings but it is about appealing to your conscience.
Try to take feelings out of love.
John
13:34 "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so
you must love one another.
John
15: 12-13 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love
has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends.
John 15:17 This is my command: Love each
other.
John
14:15 “If you love Me, you will keep My
commandments.
The
King of Kings (Jesus) says if you love me, you will love people who hate you,
you will do well to those who abuse you, you will still decide I love you. The above verses have a mono-message and that
is, love is a commandment and has no relationship with feelings.
In
closing, let us understand what is Love? Not just what love is but what true
love:
'Love
is a decision to commit to meet the needs of another without expectations. Love
is caring – anticipating a need and meeting it' by Dr. Myles Munroe. What is
evident from from Dr. Munroe’s eloquent quote about love is the fact that love
is about giving and responsibility. In this regard, next time you are tempted
to tell someone that you love them: before
you even say the three words ask yourself this question ‘Am I prepared
to take care of her?’ if the answer is no. You must postpose your plans until
you have a positive answer for the latter question. Example
of love by God: “He was chosen before the creation of the world, but was
revealed in these last times for your sake” 1 Peter 1:20. This verse states
that because God loves us, when He created us at the back of His mind He had an
idea that we might fall. In response to the possibility of us falling he
anticipated our need and met it. The purpose of this column was to clarify the
concept of love. I am aware that I did not focus on a relationship between
males and females or man and woman. This is because I am of the view that once
we understand Agape: God's love, we will be in a better position to relate with
others be it in form of men and women, family or friends relationships.
Remain
blessed and ensure that you are in good terms with the Trinity of God and the
Bible, our constitution as the Kingdom of God citizens.
Sources
of information:
Munroe,
M. (2002). Understanding the Purpose and
Power of Love and Marriage. Nassau, Bahamas: Destiny Image Publishers
SA FM's Living Sounds Show. Understanding love within a family setting
(14 February 2016).
[Audiopodcast].Retrievedfromhttp://www.safm.co.za/sabc/home/safm/multimedia/details?id=ef30e9d2-5a3f-473a-b7df-b67d8c972e64&title=Podcasts
