Understanding True Love

 Rethinking the concept of love utilizing the Kingdom of God lens.

If there is something that humans cannot exist without it is companionship. God created humans for a number of reasons part of them being fellowship. So when God created Adam even though he was busy working God knew that he had a void for companionship. God understanding his creature, created Eve to be Adam’s wife (See Genesis 2: 1 - 25). Everybody is affected by relationships. This is to say, if you want to put your life in order you must master the relationships. We were created to relating with one another through the vehicle of love. It is very sad to observe the fact that we do not understand love. In fact, the most misunderstood concept on earth is love. One of the reasons we do not know love is because we are relying on unauthorised sources to tell us what love is. This list includes the books and newspapers we read, songs we listen to and the movies and TV show we watch.

"The best way to learn anything is to consult an expert. If we wish to improve our golf game, we go to a golf pro; if we desire to play the piano, we study under a qualified teacher. Who is the expert on love? No one understands love better than God. Not only did God create love and establish it as a central foundation stone of human experience, but according to the Bible, God Himself is love (see 1 Jn. 4:8,16). Love defines God’s very nature" by Dr. Myles Munroe

Types of love:

I love the definition of the Greeks when they describe love. They realise that it is complicated and they describe it in four different terminologies. Namely: Phileo, Storge, Eros and Agape.

·         Phileo: can simply be defined as the love of friendship. We are social beings by nature. So when we spend more time with people who share common interest with us naturally we become friends.  A negative attribute of phileo love is that it is associated with the phrase ‘You stretch my back I stretch your back’. Simply put, phileo love is love because.  This is not love at its best.

                        

·         Storge: the love of the family or brotherly love. ‘Storge describes the tender affection of parents toward their children and that of children toward their parents’ by Dr Myles Munroe. This love has defects because it is based on an assumption that since people are family they will love each other. Over and above the latter, this love puts pressure on an individual because they love, not because they want to because they have to. This is to say this love does not come naturally from an individual but from a sense of obligation. Despite this love flaws love of family is fundamental to the peace and stability of any society, because when people do not get love from the family they go to people who exploit them in the name of love.

·         Eros:  Erotic, Sexual or Lustful love. First and foremost, it is totally wrong to associate love with sex. Sex can occur without love .This is the case because love can exist without sex: the two are not dependent upon each other. Part of the reasons why we have a tainted image of what love is, is because the enemy on a daily basis 24/7 365 days – bombards our minds with eros through the media. 'Erotic love is emotional love, fuelled by feelings, and therefore rises and falls as feelings do. True love, in contrast, is constant, neither motivated nor controlled by emotions. In its selfishness, eros has no egard for the feelings or desires of the other person, being interested only in the personal gratification it can get from that person' by Dr. Myles Munroe. It is unfortunate  that in most cases when people who do not have a relationship with God say I love you they actually mean they want to relate with you with an erotic kind of love.

 

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Agape: Devine love. This is the love that we do not understand. The latter is true because the status quo has made us to relate in love expecting something in return. Agape contrary to the manner in which we understand and interpret love it is all about sacrificing. John 3:16 "For so God loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life" is proof that Agape is all about sacrificing. In this verse God killed or sacrificed Himself as Christ for our restoration. God was teaching us the fact that loves is not enough with words. It is proven by actions. Everyone can tell you that they love you. What you must understand is that words are cheap for love is proven when it is cruntch time. You cannot divorce love and responsibility. Agape: Devine Love has no obligation, expectations and condition like Phileo, Eros and Storge love. It is an unconditional love. God is the source of Agape, if someone does not have a relationship with God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit, he or she might does fully comprehend Agape. Agape is a person – 1 John 4:16b ‘God is love’. Everything that God does to us, he does it out of love. There is a distinction between having love and being love. A number of people shed tears in different relationship because the people they relate have love and are not love. Such people should not be startled when the people they relate with fail to put their words into action to prove that they really love them. As humans beings we have limitations especially when we do not have a relationship with God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. This is to say when we related with people who know Jesus chances are high that they will give us Agape because they are made in God's image. Since, God their Father is Love, they will not struggle to express or prove Agape.

Three crucial attributes of true love:

Love is not emotions. Feelings are chemical reactions that change after five seconds. That is why the relationships that are based on feelings do not last long. Feelings at times are associated with the way someone looks, behaves and so on... So if you have a feeling that you love someone just because he is handsome (she is stunning) you are in a dangerous position. You can testify of the fact you will always see or meet someone who is more handsome (more stunning) than that the person you claim you love.

·          Love is a choice: while you are still baffled at my preceding point that dismissess the relationship between love and feelings - allow me clarify my position. Many people's minds are troubled when they read verses like Matthew 5: 44 "But I say love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them... Mark 12: 31 "Love your neighbor as yourself... They are troubled because they consider the practicalization of these verses as something that is impossible. Loving our neighbors and enemies shouldn't be complicated because God created us; He will never expect or demand something that we are not capable of implementing. Jesus is saying you might not feel like loving your neighbour or enemy because they have wronged you or whatever the reason. However, I Jesus say that you must ignore your feelings and choose to love them. So, if you are not getting along with someone that is a result of your choice.

·         Love is the response to understanding the value of a thing: The Bible tells us that the Lamb was slain to redeem us back to God (See John 3:16-17). Jesus' death to redeem us back to God proves that God values us to the point that He killed himself for us to be reconciled with Him. This means you are worth God. The basic of this point is also reflected in the culture of the world's most respected people the AmaZulu. The Zulu's and others clans only take you serious touching the affairs love when you are willing to pay the dowry (Imali yamalobolo) for their daughter. In passing one may say, if someone says he loves you and says nothing about amalobolo… that is red flags that he after something… and more importantly, he does not value you.

·         Love is a force generated by a decision: If God responded the way He felt when we sinned against Him we would have not been redeemed. God ignored His feelings and refused to see Himself (We are made in His image) living below His potential. In this regard, true love has nothing to do with feelings; on the contrary it has all to do with a choice, valuing someone and a firm decision.  

Love is a law:

John 13: 34-35 “A new commandment I give unto you, that ye love one another; even as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. “By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another”.

Romans 13: 8 “Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law”

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 As the Kingdom of God citizens, we owe people love and when we do not love other people were actually proves to people that we do not know God. Love is a law and since it is a law they are consequences if we do not obey God's law, the love a law. When you get bills from the municipality or a reminder from people owe, you do not feel like paying them but you chose to pay based on your integrity to pay the bill. Your integrity has nothing to with your feelings but it is about appealing to your conscience. Try to take feelings out of love. 

John 13:34 "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

John 15: 12-13 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends.

 John 15:17 This is my command: Love each other.

John 14:15 “If you love Me, you will keep My commandments.

The King of Kings (Jesus) says if you love me, you will love people who hate you, you will do well to those who abuse you, you will still decide I love you.  The above verses have a mono-message and that is, love is a commandment and has no relationship with feelings.

In closing, let us understand what is Love? Not just what love is but what true love:

'Love is a decision to commit to meet the needs of another without expectations. Love is caring – anticipating a need and meeting it' by Dr. Myles Munroe. What is evident from from Dr. Munroe’s eloquent quote about love is the fact that love is about giving and responsibility. In this regard, next time you are tempted to tell someone that you love them: before  you even say the three words ask yourself this question ‘Am I prepared to take care of her?’ if the answer is no. You must postpose your plans until you have a positive answer for the latter question. Example of love by God: “He was chosen before the creation of the world, but was revealed in these last times for your sake” 1 Peter 1:20. This verse states that because God loves us, when He created us at the back of His mind He had an idea that we might fall. In response to the possibility of us falling he anticipated our need and met it. The purpose of this column was to clarify the concept of love. I am aware that I did not focus on a relationship between males and females or man and woman. This is because I am of the view that once we understand Agape: God's love, we will be in a better position to relate with others be it in form of men and women, family or friends relationships.

Remain blessed and ensure that you are in good terms with the Trinity of God and the Bible, our constitution as the Kingdom of God citizens.

Sources of information:

Munroe, M. (2002). Understanding the Purpose and Power of Love and Marriage. Nassau, Bahamas:         Destiny Image Publishers 

 SA FM's Living Sounds Show. Understanding love within a family setting (14 February 2016). [Audiopodcast].Retrievedfromhttp://www.safm.co.za/sabc/home/safm/multimedia/details?id=ef30e9d2-5a3f-473a-b7df-b67d8c972e64&title=Podcasts

The secret to the realization of your full potential.

An introduction to significant goal setting steps and the importance of setting goals within the right time-frame. 

Proverbs 19:21 “Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails”. 

Proverbs 3: 5 -6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heat and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight".

People in the world are used to the norms of society that when another becomes innovative they are labelled as crazy or strange.  This has made people live below their potential, this should not always be the case. It is highly evident from people like Bill gates and Kenneth Makate that we can change from being normal into being extraordinary. This is possible by choosing the road less travelled.

Going with the flow is one of the major reasons why we fail at accomplishing New Year's resolutions and other goals we have set. By this I mean when we make plans for the New Year between January and December we are setting ourselves for failure. January to December is a calendar year for general people not necessarily your year. This means in order to achieve your goals or New Year's resolutions your must have your own year. That is, a year that is going to match your life style as well as your endeavors. Your year does not need to be twelve months, it can be six months. Government has its own financial year so as businesses this helps the latter and the former to function effectively and efficiently.

These are significant goal setting steps one needs to follow:

·         Know what you want to achieve: do not be hard on yourself and do not set goals that are not achievable. Knowing what you want to achieve keeps you focused. So, you must write down you goals so that you can keep tracking your progress on a daily or months basis.

·         Set goals within a reasonable time frame: part of the reason we find it hard to achieve our goals is the fact that we set is because we focus too much on long term goals. While we doing that, we forget that our short and medium term goals should be leading us to realize our long term goals.

·         Downsize and scale-down: we should drop some things. Dropping some things needs us to reflect on things we do and have a deep understanding of our abilities and capabilities- know yourself! Be fair to yourself!

·         Be disciplined: we must stick to our plans and not be easily swayed. Disciple determines destiny. Therefore, we must be willing to pay the price in order to be successful. Mhlungu (2016) puts the premise of this point eloquently when he says it is only in the dictionary where the word success comes before work. 

·         Mind your relationships: friends who are making you to get derailed must be dropped.  Your life is more important. You must go with people who are going to uplift you in what you want to achieve.

·         Discover yourself: many of us just do things out of socialization. This point is critical because once you do something that you were created to do you will not struggle. This will be the case because you will be doing something you were wired to do. About 80% of people are doing things because they want to put bread on the table, but not necessarily what they were created to do. To be someone in life you need to undergo three births; 1- Birth to the world, 2 – Conviction birth (being born again) and 3 – giving birth to ourselves (Mhlungu, 2015). In light of the preceding statement, one can argue that our parents and God (if you are born again) have played their parts. We have not played our part by giving birth to ourselves.

·         Allocate time accordingly:  this can be achieved by ensuring that the tasks that demand your attention the most get big chunks of your time. In addition we must do things that add value to our lives. Executing what is necessary to do instead of what is nice to do will save us a lot of time. Hopefully, I am not misunderstood on this point. As humans being we must have time to recreate and refresh. We must have time with our families but again we must know our priorities. Have time with your family because they will support you one day when you happen to fall on whatever venture you are exploring. Life at times is hard no matter how faithful you try to be, life is just life, it can turn against you. 

Now the big question is, when it is the right time to set my goals for the New Year. The advantage of having your year is the fact that it will help you to take the road less traveled and accommodate your uniqueness. The good news is that the fact that only people who do things 'strange' (like dream killers put it) ever accomplish their goals. "Everyone is best at his or her uniqueness" (Mhlungu, 2016). The December to January period is a time where one should be reflecting on his or her goals. The gist of this section is that our goals should be tailored to suit our lives.

Proverbs 19:21 “Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails”. God is saying while we may have a number of endeavors we want to pursue we must understand that His will prevail. This means for us to ensure that we prosper in all we do, we must first ask Him to reveal the treasure within us. From this verse one can say its message is that we must involve God right from the beginning pertaining achieving our goals.

Proverbs 3: 5 -6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heat and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight". The world is filled with people who are Mr and Mrs I-KNOW-IT-ALL that is why we have many individuals who have not found themselves. In light of these verses in order for us to be successful we must have faith in the Lord ‘for without faith is impossible to please God’. In addition, in all our ways we must acknowledge that He in control of everything – to make our goals a reality we are expected to allow Him to be the Captain of the Ship while we are passengers. The tragedy is that many of us have taken the position of being Captains. So, when the storms come our incompetency as captains is exposed!

Success is not about money nor is it about education. Instead, success is mostly about finding yourself. Once you are on the road to your destiny that is success on its own. The latter is true because you are doing what you were created to do. It is unfortunate that a number of us are lost and are just wasting time– what a tragedy! I do not care how much money or education you have - if have not found yourself you have not started living.

Remain blessed and ensure that you are in good terms with the Trinity of God and the Bible, our constitution as the Kingdom of God citizens.

Source of information:

Mhlungu, S.S.S (2015, December 27). When is the best time to set your goals. [Audio podcast].Retrieved from http://www.safm.co.za/sabc/home/safm/multimedia/details?id =ef30e9d2-5a3f-473a-b7df-b67d8c972e64&title=Podcasts